Beautiful Uncertainty

Beautiful is such a certainty,
but uncertainty is more beautiful.

Of the lonely nights, spent next to the French windows,
Not exactly close, not very far either.
Both are convinced
that a sudden surge of emotion is binding them together.
There were signs, signals:
albeit, they were illegible.
Or was it ignored?
Not yet fully ready for each other.

But somewhere around the corner,
there was love.
It approached them, and backed off,
stood in their way
and, suppressing a giggle,
jumped to the side.

They’d be greatly astonished
to learn that for a long time
Chance has been playing with them.

And will love again
find a way into their hearts?
Beautiful is such a certainty,
but uncertainty is more beautiful.

हुनर

हर ख्वाइश को परवाज़ नहीं मिलती
हर दुआ को आवाज़ नहीं मिलती।
यह खुदा की रहमत है तुमपे
इसकी क़दर कर,
क्यूंकि हर जज्बा को हुनर नहीं मिलता।

Three Cups of Coffee

She left after that third cup of coffee.
The first was when I held her hand,
She said "Strings are not to be attached",
Then the second one, that followed the dinner,
I asked her to stay back for the breakfast...
The breakfast was cold and sober,
I hoped she stayed back forever...
But she left after that third cup of coffee.

वक़्त

कल वक़्त के पन्नों को पलट के देखा तोह
तुमसे मुलाक़ात हो गयी।
वो जो jacket ख़रीदा था तूमने पिछले साल
वोही पेहनी थी तुमने,
और मैं साधे कुरते में था।

वोह वक़्त भी पुराना होगा शायद,
क्यूंकि तुम्हारी जुल्फें अभी भी रात सी थी
और मेरी नज़रों को ऐनक की नज़र नहीं लगी थी।

कुछ देर बैठा तुम्हारे साथ,
जी भर के देखा
और फिर चल दिया...
अब नजाने फिर कब वक़्त मिलेगी...

The Art Of Losing

A Night to Remember

The last bus to home had left, now she has to take a rick home. She had finished all her work in time, just to make sure that she gets to the last bus without fail. But that was not to happen. She thought for sometime, 'Should I call Rahul, to pick me up'. But then rejected it, thinking he was an incorigible flirt and might just think otherwise. It’s a Friday night and all her colleagues had left early, so she ahd to get home alone.

Raavya, has been working for Acecom Tele Support for last one year and she has been posted in Delhi all these while. But somehow she has not been able to fall in love, or least like, this city. Every morning when she opens the newspaper, there has been one or more crime against women being reported. She is from a small town in eastern part of the country. Before coming to Delhi, she had never set her foot outside her hometown. Delhi in a way was her first taste of life outside the cocooned world of home, safety and warmth of a family. Her mother had never wanted her to leave home and move into Delhi. Delhi has never portrayed itself as a safe place for females, and nobody has bothered to make it one also.

It was getting late, Raavya checked her watch it said five minutes to eleven, she looked outside at the gate, there were a few autos there. She braced herself, she had to take an auto. All the crime reports that she has read or seen on television played right infront of her eyes. She was a bit scared. But she knew she cannot show it on her face. It was a Friday and she was wearing a Friday casual. She was not prepared for late work. She cursed her client, who had requested her for the last minute data requirement, which took her almost five hours. She could have got a cab from the office but that meant she has to share it with her boss, who is a bigger lech. She decided to find an auto, not very sure of her decision. So she moved towards the main gate, her steps were unsure. As if deciding, contemplating and arguing with herself. She tried to evaluate every possible option. Weighed them and then rejected them. She told herself 'You need to fight your own battles'. Late night in Delhi for a girl-alone, is definitely a fight for safety.

The watchman looked at her, as if questioning 'How are you planning to go, alone?'. She ignored the look, quietly swiped the card at the gate and moved out. The air was balmy, very unlike a winter evening in Delhi. But she didn’t mind. She pulled at the open zips of her jacket. The road was empty but for a few autos, the auto drivers were smoking beedis near a fireplace. She walked upto them, this was the first time she is alone looking for an Auto so late in the night, she didnt know what to say. Rohan has always been her Knight in the shining armour. Her late night movies at Saket or gorging at Comesum in the early hours of the morning. She had Rohan to her aide. But today even he is not there.

She reached the spot where the auto drivers were smoking. She called out "Bhaiya! Malviya Nagar chalogey?" (Will you go to Malviya Nagar?). Everyone moved their stare towards her. One of them stood up, 'He doesn’t look menacing', she thought to herself. "One Fifty", he said in a very accented voice. She didn’t want to get into a bargaining business with an auto driver at this hour of the night, especially when she is alone. 'fifty rupees, max sixty', she thought to herself. "Okay!", she agreed. The guy moved towards the auto and got into it, then he directed her to be seated in the back seat. She moved to the passenger seat.

It was chilly, she wasn’t feeling the chill so far, but when the auto started moving the air rushing against her cheek made her feel the nip in the air. The maze of roads in Chanakyapuri was familiar to her. She knew they were going in the right direction. The auto driver switched on FM, there were some hindi film songs playing on it. She didn’t give much attention to it. She was feeling tired. But she told herself not to fall asleep, she needs to be alert. She moved her hand inside her bag to check for the pepper-spray. It was there. She has never used it, even the seal was not broken. 'How stupid is that' she thought to herself. Then she looked at the auto driver. He was still smoking his beedi. The smoke was irritating Raavya, but she didn’t bother to shout at the auto guy. She was far too scared to do that.

The auto driver was not at all intimidating. Might be into his 30s, not very tall. Wore the khakhi uniform and a jacket. The stickers of various Gods in the auto, surely tells his religious bent. Then of course, the way he touched his forehead with his head and whispered a prayer before starting the vehicle, says that he is not at all a bad person. Raavya was trying to evaluate him. Till now he was scoring well.

Raghav, the auto driver, was lost in his own thoughts. Today he had received the call from his village. His wife has gone into labor. 'A girl again and I will divorce her. If she is unable to give a boy to the family, she doesn't belong to the family, she can take her girls and leave the house', he thought. But this thought had crossed him when they had their third child too. But Baba Ambernath has predicted that it would be a baby boy this time. He is waiting for the call. For a moment he looked into the mirror at his passenger in the back seat. She was looking straight at him. "Kya dekh raho o", she shouted back (what are you looking at?). More out of fear than anything else. He turned away, he didn’t bother to reply. He has got this shouting a lot many time. Many times when there is a couple at the rear seat, he has stolen a few glances to catch them in 'action'. The voyeuristic pleasure is the only good thing about driving at night.

There werent many vehicles moving at that time of the night. Only a few cars or bikes passed them. They crossed the Chanakya theatre, Raavya remembered the first movie that she had seen here. Even those yummy kababs that she and her friends use to enjoy here. Just then the mobile rang. Raavya looked at hers, but it wasn’t her mobile. The auto driver pulled out his. "Hell-ooo" he said in a very anxious voice. She looked into the mirror, to see his reflection. His expression changed from anxious to ecstatic. He seemed to be very happy, he pulled his auto around a corner. It was a dark one. Raavya moved her hand inside her bag. "Why have you stopped the vehicle here?", she asked, trying to feed her voice with enough strength. "Madamji, let me just take this call, something personal, one minute only", he replied. It was dark, the street light was flickering. She sat there thinking she had no other option. Her hand hit something, it was the pepper spray. She thought to herself for a second and then without bringing the bottle outside the bag she removed the cover.

It had already crossed five minutes. She didn’t want to wait for that long, so she decided much against her will, to step out of the auto and try to find an alternate option. She saw the light of an approaching vehicle. But soon realised it to be a private car. She decided not to wave at it. The car passed by her. Then she turned, moment she turned, she saw him coming towards her, infact running. He looked as if a man possessed. She thought of running, but her legs were as if planted to the ground. She didn’t know what to do. Next instant the auto driver was a couple of feets away from her and looked almost menacing with those mad eyes. She turned around and started to run. He called out "madam rok jao". She ignored the call and ran. He didn’t let her go, he too tried to be after her. Even matched her pace. He caught up with her, his hands caught hold of her shoulder. She was ready, she turned around and sprayed the pepper-spray into his eyes. He was caught by surprise, he fell on the ground writhing in pain. She realised the lane led to her house. She ran without stopping straight into her house.

He was still lying there writhing in pain, thinking why did she do this. He re-ran the whole event in his mind. The call was from his mother, she told her wife has delivered a beautiful baby boy. His nose was almost like his and so was his eyes. He was happy and talked a little longer over the phone asking about his wife and son in details. When he was through with his call, he realised it was late. He was happy and wanted to dance, he ran towards her in that frenzy. He saw her looking for another vehicle, that’s why he ran towards her, thinking he might lose his fare. He was right, she was trying to give him a slip. She started running, even when he asked her to stop she didn’t. She kept on running. But he did caught up, she sprayed something into his eyes, probably chilly powder and ran away.

He had calmed a bit. His eyes were hurting a lot, he collected himself up. Searched for some water. A tap was running. He washed his face with water. Then he thought to himself, what an eventful night 'These city girls are so dangerous', he thought to himself and walked away.

She was inside her room. Almost shaken by the night's episode. She was crying uncontrollably. She was thinking about things that could have happened. She thanked God and decided never to take an auto late at night, alone!

The Smile

She passed by me for the second time. Coincidence?? Well could have been, but I have trained my mind to think otherwise, especially when a beautiful girl is involved. She was looking pretty in her tight jeans and cowboy check short shirt. Her hair was tied up in a bun and a pencil was carelessly tucked into it. She was wearing a pair of spectacles, which gave her look of an intellect. Her bag was hanging from one side of her shoulders, left shoulder. 'College going, probably', I thought to myself. "I think she likes me", I whispered into Manish's ear. "And what makes you think so?", he questioned.
"She looked at me and smile"
"There could be a million reasons for her to smile", he tried to reason.
"One of them could be me", i tried to justify.

Manish preferred to remain silent. Being friends for five years with me, had taught him that in cases like such, I am a die-hard fool. And this was not the first time that a girl has passed by me, but I was sure the smile was definitely for me. And to prove this, she returned. She walked towards me. And when I say me, it means 'me only'. She looked into my eyes and smiled. Thats the moment I knew I was the reason. Then she spoke in her sugar coated, honey wrapped voice "Would you mind standing up? This is a lady's seat". Manish burst out laughing. She and the rest of the passengers, just looked at him and then ignored. I stood up and took the position next to the pole. She made herself comfortable next to Manish. The bus was full, but all were seated and the only person standing was me.

Manish kept smiling all through the journey. Thankfully it wasn't long one, the journey. Neither was this love story.... Well its my story and choose to call it a love story!